Where's My Gratitude?

It's the second day back to work following a long holiday weekend - life has seemed to come on quickly over the past few days - excitement from being with friends and family and problems presenting themselves from those interactions - bringing all kinds of disruption and chaos to my life today - taken from the very moment of existence - moving into my fears created in my head, through my thoughts! I begin to resolve them one by one, or am I really. An illusion begins through my twisted perceptions. My denial kicks in. Accepting what I can and resisting the one's that appear to be not good for me. Requests and more requests placed on myself... seemingly identifying where the origin of the problems started and how to designing a plan on how to resolve them. I get more and more caught up in the problems - many times forgetting that "I may be the source of these problems I trying to overcome". Their is a solution - but how do I find it in a healthy manner. Am I acting out to get my way. Most times, it becomes apparent over time, that when I do not get what I want, when I want, the fear of these emotions consume me. I begin to act out against the people I love and enjoy having in my life. I get caught up in the importance of my life, forgetting that it really isn't my life to begin with - only the graceful life to do it to the best of my ability during each interactions presented before me.

Learning to return to the moment is the task during fearful times. Not the fearful times of being at home during a major thunderstorm, but those moments when life feels as it's beginning to slip away without me. Learning to find how to deal with those unknowingly felt blessing being placed in my life is a step difficult for us humans. Or it is - asking for direction is the answer. Humility to remember that everything in this life is created to move us along a path of freedom. But, how it hurts when I do not feel this way.